During World War II the German theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, although having no Jewish ancestry himself, nevertheless resigned his position when the Nazi government decreed that anyone with any trace of Jewish blood could not serve in the German church. Later, for his opposition to Hitler, he was hanged. While in prison before his execution, he wrote some important theological letters. In one of them he says, "You know what has been the trouble with our ministry over the centuries? We haven't been sufficiently concerned that people enjoy themselves in this life, have pleasure in life and as a result we were not sensitive enough to the pain and suffering people endure in life."

So, to want happiness for others is a positive, moral religious good. Why shouldn't we wish others happiness—greet one another with the words, "A Happy New Year?" I myself have sometimes hesitated because so many people are so misled about what real happiness is, and how it is to be found, that constantly to set the goal of happiness, "Happy New Year," before people, might be a way of making them miserable.

Many people think of happiness as continuous, uninterrupted well-being or pleasure. Absence of any concerns. Instant gratification. The very first aspect of happiness, real happiness, I would have to emphasize, is acceptance of the imperfections of life.

It was 35 years ago the first time a married couple on the verge of divorce came to see me. Since they were also the very first couple that I had married in that congregation, at first I thought it was somehow my fault. I quickly discovered, however, that each had grown up to believe that if you happened to find "Mr. Right or Miss Right," (perfect, in other words, for you) then marital happiness would automatically follow. They had little or no realization that, given the imperfections of life, marriage from beginning to end is a continuous endeavor, every bit deserving of the effort because there is no greater source of real happiness, substance, warmth, wholeness in life, that I know of, than a good marriage.

And as I listened to them, even then as a young rabbi, the thought crossed my mind that they had completely missed the message of that seemingly strange custom of breaking a glass just before the concluding kiss at the gloriously happy Jewish wedding, to remind the couple of the imperfections of life and to remind them also of their responsibility, in the midst of their private joy, to try in some way to repair some of the brokenness, the imperfections of life, out in the world.

The recipe for happiness may be rather complicated. But if you want an easy, quick and sure recipe for unhappiness, in fact for perfect misery, I can give it to you right away. I call it, as a figure of speech, the "devils trap." It is simple: start feeling sorry for yourself. That is what happened to that couple. They were not perfectly happy with each other all the time. Each began to feel sorry for himself and from that self-pity came resentment, from resentment hostility, from hostility conflict, and from conflict, mutually reinforced misery. Real happiness requires in us a pretty good imperfection tolerance level.

But there is a positive side to that because it means that happiness, for the most part, does not depend on outward circumstances, but rather on how we respond from the inside to that outer circumstance. There may be a bit of a problem in the English word "happiness." It comes from the English "to hap," to happen, implying that happiness is happenstance. It depends on happenstance, or maybe there is mishap from the outside.

Yes, there is happenstance and there is mishap and it can cause a lot of trouble. There are many people out there in the world, the homeless, the hungry, the helpless, the hopeless, who mischance has dealt a lot of blows in life. But when it comes to most of us who are fairly well fixed, happiness depends not on what happens from the outside. That is not finally determinative. Happiness is what emerges after we have risen above negative happenstances of our own past, our own regrets for our own misjudgments and envy at the good happenstance of others.

Everything that happens to us in life is a kind of question to which only we can give the answer. Sometimes the questions life puts to us are very, very hard, and over them we have very little control. But over the way we respond to those questions of life, we have a great deal more control. Happiness is the quality that inheres in our response to the questions of life.

If I were to set before you, for example, two persons: on one side an elderly woman confined to a hospital room, practically immobile, in pain, gradually losing the faculty of sight, who has known personal loss of those dear to her. And on the other side a wealthy, successful young man in his physical prime, with family, with means to travel, means to enjoy a great life. Which of the two would you say was the happier? Well, if you said, naturally, the young man, at least in one case of which I know, you would have been mistaken.

Once my wife and I visited that elderly woman, the one I have described, who spoke poetically in her hospital bed and appreciatively, with a kind of deep inner-feeling, of the light coming into her room towards the end of the day, of the colors of the flowers on the window counter, of her deep satisfaction with her life, of her pleasure in her loved ones, of her gratitude for our simple ordinary visit. Everything about her was positive. On the way out, with a wink and a smile, she got me at a weak moment to contribute to one of her favorite charities.

Then we stopped briefly at a social gathering where I met a young man, the one I have described, in the prime of success and health, who had so magnified some alleged, imagined, or perhaps real trickery or chicanery on the part of business associates, that he had worked himself into a rancor of bitterness, making himself a very miserable person. Happiness accepts the imperfections of life, happiness comes from within.

And then I would add a third factor. Happiness goes with responsibility. If I were to ask any of you what aspect of life is most critical to our happiness, I would wager that after some thought, most people would say that at least one aspect of life on which happiness hinges is having good relationships. But there cannot be any good relationships without responsibility, care, concern, burdens. The relationships which give us the most joy always bring with them anxiety and concern for others.

The problem with wishing people happiness, a Happy New Year, is that so many think of happiness as avoiding the burdens of responsibility. Some avoid marriage for that reason—children, deep friendships. Children, some people have even told me, might interfere with our "life-style." By life-style they mean a bigger house or two houses, more vacations, no braces, no school costs, no childhood illnesses. But those who seek happiness on such cheap terms are very likely to get a happiness, in the end, that is a fake product.

All of us have suffered during the last two or even three decades of the first "me" generation, just because the quest for the bluebird of happiness centered on the drive for pure self-satisfaction, "me," number one, numero uno, first, last and always. Sociologists call it the culture of narcissism. But the simple word is selfishness. What has resulted? Corruption in business, shaking of trust in the financial markets, the adversarial, litigious, liability-suit society. Those who have sought happiness by the single minded determined search to preserve their own "space" have actually detached themselves from levels of their own being, family, community, relationships, which could have given a great deal more significance and substance to their lives. Those who hold in their hand the true coin on whose face happiness is indelibly stamped, know that always on the other side of that coin is the insignia of responsibility.

So, in that way we come to the royal road that leads us to the gateway of the kingdom of happiness. And that is some worthy purpose beyond the service of one's own success. Some effort in behalf of others, no matter how humble or great, leads us beyond the self.

In my own tradition I think of that phrase that people use when they have found some act for others, which we call the Joy of the Mitzvah, the happiness of doing a good deed—giving ourselves to some kind of communal volunteer work, for which we do not want or need any credit because we take delight in it with all of our might and all of our strength.

The special twinkle that I have seen in the eyes of those who know the joy of a good deed comes from a deeper glow in the heart. Sometimes such work does bring with it a lot of worry and care—so much worry and care that it would be sometimes indistinguishable from pain were it not that in such deeds, such work, our soul recognizes its highest happiness.

And whatever our theology, our denomination might be, those who find that joy in the good deed are already living in the service of God. It is of these that I believe the Psalmist speaks when he cries out, "Happy are those, O God, whom thou drawest nigh to dwell in thy courts." Happy are those who walk in the way of the Lord.

David Hardin: Herb, you talked about happiness. I want you to know that I am very happy to have you here.

Herbert Bronstein: I'm happier to be here.

Hardin: We spent a lot of time together trying to see how there could be some peaceful solutions to the problems in the Middle East between the Palestinians, Israelis, etc. I don't know that we made a lot of progress at the time. What do you think?

Bronstein: I am happy and I hope you are not embarrassed for me to take this opportunity to thank you for the tremendous effort you put in on that tripartite dialogue. You were the leading spirit of it. I believe that nothing like that is lost, although there were some wonderful programs that followed.

We may not have seen substantial results. On the other hand, I believe that is all part of the spiritual economy and that energy is not lost. No matter what has happened in these conflicts, there are a number of endeavors in Israel, in Europe, in this country, endeavors of Jews, Arabs, Moslems, Christians, getting together to try to keep in dialogue.

I have had the dream of having a kind of conference of all of those groups, bringing everybody together for networking and now we may see the time.

Hardin: You make a good point. I think we need to remember we are not in charge of the outcome. We are in charge of trying. I think that getting people to work together and think together and come to a mutual agreement had to influence a lot of people, even if it doesn't show up in the headlines.

I guess one of my concerns is how we can get people to celebrate differences instead of being frightened of difference. This is particularly true in religions in the world today.

Bronstein: It is strange because I believe when you study religions you find that at their best they all teach what I come to call "the sense of the other." Recently we have had this consciousness raising in our society about sexual harassment. It was a kind of consciousness raising about the other, the other person, the feelings of the other. We are having that in connection with the Native American Indians with the quincentennial of Columbus. We have to understand how they felt -- the other from the other side.

I think that the key is in bringing our religious resources, as in our tradition in the Torah, "You shall not oppress the stranger, you know the feelings of the stranger." You were oppressed; you shouldn't oppress others. If we could somehow celebrate, as you say, the differences in learning the history of the other, listening to their perspective, knowing what they have suffered, knowing what they value. I think if we keep emphasizing that and try to bring that perspective, we will somehow come to that light at the end of the tunnel.

Hardin: I have got to feel that is exactly right. I want to thank you for being with us. It's been a grand time.