To be a follower of Christ, then, is to be a person of prayer. But it is important that we know what is really involved in prayer. What kind of prayer were Jesus and the apostles talking about? What effect should prayer have on people? It is my contention that authentic prayer will have a tremendous effect. In no way should prayer, as some have intimated, insulate us from the real world. In no way should it become a crutch preventing us from facing up realistically to life. Quite the contrary. Authentic prayer—and this is the thrust of my message today—prayer which brings us into an intimate, loving union with God, will deeply affect how we perceive and deal with ourselves and with others. I hope my remarks, which flow from my own spiritual journey, will help and encourage you to persevere in yours.

According to spiritual writers, there are many kinds of prayer. In the final analysis, however, we must all pray in the way that best lifts our minds and hearts to the Lord. Now, regardless, of the particular method we use or the facility we may have developed, prayer—if it is genuine—must move us to a greater knowledge of ourselves. One cannot grow closer to God without constantly growing in self-knowledge. It is true that prayer is not simply a process of introspection and self-analysis. But it is also true that God cannot help us unless we present ourselves to Him as we really are.

If we are honest, we must admit that much of our time is spent pretending. But when we turn to God in prayer, we must present our real selves. God can save only the real person; He can do little with the imaginary person. We must candidly acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses. For if we want to experience a true conversion, we must first come to grips with our innermost selves, those selves which exist independently of our external circumstances and the pressures we encounter.

Let us consider some of the practical implications of this self-knowledge.

Basically, to know ourselves in prayer is to know what motivates us. What motivates my life? my divisions? my actions? Prayer should lead us to be honest with ourselves in this regard. For example, is our motivation the need for acceptance or recognition? Is it competition, fear, insecurity, resentment? Frequently we will find that, although our motivation is not all "bad" it still is quite imperfect. As such, it can lead us away from Jesus and the way of life He has given us.

In his letter to the Galatians, Paul describes certain forms of conduct arising from motivations which are of the Spirit and are, therefore, good, along with forms of conduct arising from promptings and inclinations which are not. His description gives us a good yardstick for making a judgment about ourselves. "It is obvious," he says, "what proceeds from the flesh: lewd conduct, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hostilities, bickering, jealousy, outbursts of rage, selfish rivalries, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and the like.... In contrast, the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patient endurance, kindness, generosity, faith, mildness, and chastity...since we live by the spirit let us follow the spirit’s lead. Let us never be boastful, or challenging, or jealous toward one another."

The crucial point is that, as we move closer to God, everything within us that is not of God will be disclosed. And, to put it the other way around, if we fail to recognize motivations or movements within us which are not of God, if we do not recognize the evil in us, then that failure itself becomes an obstacle to closer union with the Lord. Often, of course, we are not fully conscious of what motivates us. It is very easy to fool ourselves. This is why we need at times to seek someone else’s counsel, in order to make sure that we are objective and correct in judging what is going on inside us.

Another important point: Discovering our true selves can be a very painful experience. At first we tend to rebel when we confront the ugly side of ourselves. This pain, however, is to be expected. We have been warned, as men and women of faith, to expect the cross in our lives, and sometimes the cross comes not from outside us but from within. Did not Jesus say: "If a man wishes to come after me, he must deny his very self, take up his cross, and begin to follow in my footsteps?" In his letter to the Colossians, Paul goes a step further, saying that our suffering completes the process of purification required for our redemption: "In my own flesh I fill up what is lacking in the sufferings of Christ for the sake of his body, the Church." The suffering entailed in humbly acknowledging our own weakness and imperfection can itself be redemptive.

Prayer, then, brings us closer to God only if at the same time it helps us to discover ourselves; only if in the process—however painful it might be—we present our true selves to the Lord so He will have a real person, not an imaginary one, to love and comfort. As I suggested earlier, however, prayer also involves another dimension. As prayer brings us closer to God, it also helps us to discover others. It involves a movement toward greater intimacy with others; with God first, of course, but also and in a particular way with other men and women.

This is evident from the Scriptures. Jesus made it very clear that love of God cannot be separated from love of neighbor. "This is the first (of all the commandments)," he said, "‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is Lord alone! Therefore, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the second, ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself.’"

The basis for this inseparable link between love of God and love of neighbor in the Incarnation. The Father so loved us that He sent His Son to redeem us. Jesus became flesh and lived among us. The Incarnation establishes such a close and intimate relationship—between us and God, and also among us human beings—that we can now call ourselves sons and daughters of the Father and brothers and sisters of and in the Lord. If we want to follow the Lord, we must also love all those whom He loves. There is no other way.

Jesus explained this identification of Himself with others and its implications for us in a very clear and simple way. After talking about the second coming of the Son of Man, when He will judge the human family on the basis of how we have treated Him, He said: "Then the just will ask him: ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you or see you thirsty and give you drink? When did we welcome you away from your home or clothe you in your nakedness? When did we visit you when you were ill or in prison?’ The king will answer them: ‘I assure you, as often as you did it for one of my least brothers, you did it for me.’"

Our faith, and everything that flows from it—including our prayer—must be understood in its incarnational perspective. That includes not only our new relationship, as a redeemed people, to God but also our new relationship to all of God’s children. Part of this relationship is the God-given capacity to love others.

Whenever we mention love we necessarily touch on the notion of our sexuality. Unfortunately, human sexuality is grossly misunderstood by many people who see only one aspect almost exclusively with sexual intercourse. While that is certainly a dimension of it, sexuality itself is a much broader concept. Human sexuality is part of our God-given natural power or capacity for relating to others in a loving, caring way. From it flow the qualities of sensitivity, warmth. openness, and mutual respect in our interpersonal relationships.

If we are truly alive with God’s love within us, this will be reflected in our ability to love others, to be truly intimate with them. The intimacy of which I speak is not primarily physical, although love obviously can and should be expressed in this way by two persons joined together by the covenant of marriage. Rather, this intimacy means at least two things.

First, it means willingness to disclose oneself to others, to become somewhat vulnerable with others by being honest about oneself with them. This is difficult for some people. Somehow they have the mistaken notion that to reveal one’s weaknesses or needs is itself a sign of weakness. And pride or fear prohibits them from showing their weakness. They are afraid of becoming vulnerable in this way. And so they hold things inside themselves. As a result, pressures build up and sometimes they break down.

It is true that we should not reveal ourselves even to close friends in the same way that we open up to a spiritual counselor. Still, there are many areas beyond the realm of confidentiality associated by Catholics with the confessional and by other religious persons with other settings of total spiritual candor—areas that cause wonderment, anxieties, depression, and so on and which we could and should share with those who are close to us. More often than not, we will find that our friends experience the same difficulties and anxieties. That discovery by itself establishes a bond of solidarity and understanding which can be mutually beneficial.

Second, intimacy involves willingness to let other persons become a part of, and an influence in, our lives. Then my life and my decisions are not simply my own. I accept some degree of responsibility for the persons I allow to love me, to care for me, to help me. This willingness to assume responsibility for others is a quality that is often lacking today. From time to time we read that a person has been assaulted, even killed, because none of the bystanders wanted to become involved. These may be extreme cases, but they illustrate the point. More often, this unwillingness manifests itself in failure to say a kind word, to extend a helping hand when needed, to show some tangible sign of understanding and concern—even when the other person is a friend or relative.

Intimacy, as I have described it, obviously involves a certain risk. A well known spiritual writer of the Eastern Orthodox tradition points out that this should not surprise us. He says that any intimate encounter with God, with a fellow human being, or with oneself is downright dangerous, in the sense that it often demands radical changes on our part. It can shake us from our lethargy. It may demand that we make our peace with God, our neighbor, and even ourselves. But the risk is worth the advantages which stem from authentic Christian intimacy.

We have models, of course, for this kind of intimacy. Jesus Himself is the prime model. The gospels give ample evidence that He had close relationships with many men and women. He often risked His reputation and even His life for those whom He loved. Eventually He gave His life so that He could enter into the ultimate intimacy with us, the intimacy of the redemption which reestablished us in God’s love and friendship. Paul is another model. He, too, had close relationships with both men and women. For example, read his letters to Timothy. He calls Timothy the child he loves; he asks Timothy to join him soon; he reveals himself to Timothy by calling himself the worst of sinners.

I began by saying that if prayer is authentic, it will lead to a discovery both of ourselves and of others. Prayer in this sense involves a movement toward greater knowledge of self and toward greater intimacy with others. We cannot really be in communion with Him through prayer, without its having a profound effect on our own personal growth and on our relationship with others. True growth in prayer, then, while an interior phenomenon, is reflected in how we live. It is also reflected in the visible manifestation of our love for others.

Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians, describes that manifestation in this way: "Love is patient; love is kind. Love is not jealous, it does not put on airs, it is not snobbish. Love is never rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not prone to anger; neither does it brood over injuries. Love does not rejoice in what is wrong but rejoices with the truth. There is no limit to love’s forbearance, to its trust, its hope, its power to endure. Love never fails..."

Can you imagine how the world would change if everyone, especially you and I, began relating to others in this way? Our families, our communities, our places of work and recreation, and indeed every human enterprise would become models of Christ’s love and peace. They would give, for the entire world, a credible witness to Christ’s worship.